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(no subject) [Jan. 28th, 2009|04:00 pm]
[Current Location |home]
[Current Mood |good]
[Current Music |myself]

so i've had this old song of my tumbling around in my head for a while now. today i got out my backup hard drive and found the recording. i wrote and recorded it in one session while terribly inebriated in the fall of 2005. there was about a week of these kinds of sessions, another of which yielded one of my most popular tracks, 'vacation.' anyway, for some reason, this is one of my favorite pieces of work i've ever been involved in. and for some other reason, virtually no one has ever heard it.

so now's your chance! get it while it's hot!

you can download it here and i've posted the lyrics below.

it's supposed to be funny and bleak at the same time. this is how i deal with confusion and desperation.

please enjoy.

let's do it.

okay, time to talk about me, let's see..
what can i say? i'm great!
and everything as of late has been fine,
except, you know, these one or two things that won't stay off my mind

but whatever, i don't wanna talk about that
i'd rather let you hit me in the head with a baseball bat
so i'm just gonna have another drink, and then maybe we can talk about what it is
that you'll -think- i think

oh yes, the party's going strong, all night long
so hit the bong to this song
and then maybe we can get a little 'relation' going on...

what was that thing i was supposed to say?
what was that thing i was supposed to say?
what was i going to say though...
what was that thing i was supposed to say?

eat sleep drink take medicate medicate
whoa, wait, what are we doing? it's too late!
so dose hard, babydoll, we're in for the long haul
and when we fall, that's all, so let's just keep on walking

as fucked up as it is, i know, i know
just keep looking that way, let's get done and let's go
i don't really need to know who fucked who or how many people died today
i'm out of my mind here, man, what the fuck do you want from me?

say, do you know where i could find the world's best cheeseburger?
i've just been thinking about that, but i digress...
what was the point again though? oh i know.. drugs!
aww yeah, you know it... uhhh huh..

what kind of drugs are we on today?
what kind of drugs are we on today?
honey, what kind of drugs are we on today?
what kind of drugs are we on today?

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throw me a rope [Dec. 27th, 2008|01:13 pm]
i lost you a while ago, and still i don't know why
i can't say your name without a crow flying by
gotta watch my back, now that you turned me around
got me walking backwards into my home town

throw me a rope on the rolling tide
what did you want it to be?
you said it's him or me
the way you made it, that's the way it will be

i've never been so disabused, never been so mad
i've never been served anything that tasted so bad
you might need a friend, any day now, any day..
oh my brother be careful, you are drifting away...

throw me a rope on the rolling tide
what did you want it to be?
you said it's him or me
the way you made it, that's the way it will be
gillian welch
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i love the stories about heroes you don't expect. [Dec. 17th, 2008|05:53 am]
Cyanide and Happiness, a daily webcomic
Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net
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... [Dec. 16th, 2008|11:06 pm]
i listened to a lecture of nonsense til dawn
by a plagiary poet with dark glasses on
he said, "how did you ever dream up that song?
the one where the baby dies."

i said, "i'll tell you this secret, which one's your good ear?
yeah, people are made up of water and fear.
if there weren't women present, we wouldn't be here.
so let's make like we're friends."

and the pot turned to powder and soured the mood
and the people i'd come with were gone from the room
so i asked like a child, "may i be excused?"
and disobeyed them all

into that late-night latrine, rain soaking through my shoes
i try walking backwards to get less confused
working off a theory i could never prove
that it was life, itself, to blame

and time ruined the world
like a failed revolution
a tumor we could not remove
an old friend, a constant, the blues..

now my days are distractions, sit wringing my hands
solitaire, crosswords, and films on demand
when you turn from a cartoon back into a man
you start to smell that human smell..

and so i sleep with a fan on to drown out the street
and the noise rising up from the bar underneath
but for that inconvenience all my drinks are free
so i guess it's just as well..

why do i envy the ending right from the start?
just get it together to take it apart
watching the horse as it follows the cart
i sweep up my broken spell

and i felt something change in the world
like a new constitution
a thief i would have to pursue
at all times, at all costs, the truth
cartoon blues - bright eyes
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since somebody finally got it [Dec. 16th, 2008|06:32 pm]
this is the kind of music i need right now.

so be it, i'm your crowbar
that's what i am so far
until you get out of this mess..
and i will pretend
that i don't know of your sins
until you are ready to confess..

but all the time
all the time
i'll know...

and you can use my skin
to bury secrets in
and i will settle you down..
and at my own suggestion
i will ask no questions
while i do my thing in the background..

but all the time
all the time
oh, i'll know...

baby, i can't help you out
while she's still around...

so for the time being
i'm being patient..
and amidst this bitterness
if you'd just consider this
even if it don't make sense..

..all the time
give it time

and when the crowd becomes your burden
and you've early closed your curtain
i'll wait by the backstage door..
while you try to find
the lines to speak your mind
and pry it open hoping for an encore

and if it gets too late
for me to wait
for you to find you love me
and tell me so

it's okay
don't need to say it...

i know, by fiona apple

i was listening to this so i could type it up, and when it went off i noticed that the first song from this album had started playing in a neighbor's apartment.


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outside the window [Dec. 15th, 2008|05:09 pm]
so between our living room window and the next building over there is an alleyway with 2 reserved parking spaces. sometimes people park behind the cars parked there if they know they'll be back quickly. today the owner of our building was here and parked there, as he was walking to his car i heard this:

guy blocked in: is this your car?
building owner: yes it is.
guy: did you see this sign that says no parking?
owner: i sure did.
guy: well why'd you park there?
owner: i own this building and i knew i was only gonna be 2 minutes.
guy: well i was about 1 minute from having you towed! you can't park here.
owner: i knew it was only gonna be 2 minutes.
guy: well how did i know that? did i know that!?

i wish they'd fought a little more. oh well.

hilarious. i find it extra funny because the owner of the building was a slight asshole to me earlier in the day when he was here with the plumber to fix a leak. apparently i should've known this problem existed and notified him immediately. *shrug*

(little does he know i barely even live here.)

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heheheheheheheheheh [Dec. 14th, 2008|06:07 pm]
Cyanide and Happiness, a daily webcomic
Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net
LinkLeave a comment

in between moments [Dec. 13th, 2008|11:18 pm]
[Current Location |katt's bedroom for the purpose of stealing internet.]
[Current Mood |concerned]
[Current Music |fiona apple's "not about love" stuck in my head.]

you know, when the best part of your day is a tossup between a girl you don't know becoming elated after throwing a snowball at your car and a text message from a girl you miss terribly, you gotta ask yourself what you're doing with your life.

of course i ask myself this question every day, but on days like today it's a lot harder to answer.

what's the point? why am i here? what am i trying to do? do i care? all these and more can be yours for the low low price of loneliness and disillusion.

yesterday was my mother's birthday and between my intense hangover and my 4 hour drive to nowhere i forgot to call her. i called her today and she understood. she always does. she is a wonderful lady. i guess she's like 53.

what really gets to me is that she's probably even lonelier than i am. and she doesn't even have reason enough for the small bit of hope i'm able to conjure for myself... yet every day she gets up, does what she has to do, and crosses her fingers. it's torturous wishing i could help her when there's nothing i could possibly do. just like there's nothing she can do to soothe my heartache.

while i'm on the subject of parents, and while i'm pouring myself out to no one for no reason, i miss my father. he's even older and even farther away. now trying to live on the west coast i wonder when i'll see him again. sometimes i wonder if i'll see him again. i know he's lonely too. maybe it's in our blood.

watching the giant snowflakes tonight made me think of the time we lived in idaho, when i was 11. it was easily one of the happiest times our family ever had. i guess i should just feel glad and leave it at that...

i wonder what happened to the dogs we had...

well, i guess i've bummed my livejournal out enough for now. if you read it, thanks. i know it wasn't fun.

for memory's sake and to make clear how grey this day was, i'm gonna transcribe the texts that served as the highlight.

goodnight friends. be thankful for what you've got.

suzee: When you coming back? I miss you too much!
me: back atcha girl. i think i miss you the most. my flight gets in wednesday night.
suzee: Great! Can't wait!
me: me neither! a suzeeless life is a hard life.
suzee: Awh. Better call when you get in.
me: nothing could stop me.


ps-just because i write about what's missing doesn't mean i don't realize what's here.
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trying to write is like trying to... [Dec. 3rd, 2008|03:37 pm]
so i've finally reached a point where i feel i must start writing things even if they're no good or i will lose the skill of songwriting forever... and if that happens, as we all know, i will be totally fucked.

so here's what i have to offer, today. insults welcome. praise will be tolerated.

vulner-ability (heheh)

i took the lock off the door today
i don't care who comes in anyway
they can try to hurt me or want to play
but the lock is off my door today

i threw my gun into the fire
i let go all the guards i'd hired
unset all the traps i'd wired
and threw my gun into the fire

because there can't be any confusion
when you decide to come to me
because there can't be any illusion
that this is not where you should be

i'll leave myself unguarded
turn a blind eye to the sin
i'll sacrifice my safety
for you to be let in

for you must be let in

a tree is on a hill alone
no birds, no bugs, just earth and stone
and though the sun politely shone
the tree lived on the hill alone

a girl is crying for a cause
caught between her love and flaws
her eyes shine as her doubt withdraws
a girl is crying for a cause

because there can't be any confusion
when it decides to come to you
because there can't be any illusion
that this is not what you should do

leave yourself unguarded
turn a blind eye to the sin
sacrifice your safety
and let the right one in

for they must be let in

i reluctantly used the movie title. it was perfect. i had to.


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for those i told about forgetting, i forgot to mention that i remembered how to cry. [Dec. 3rd, 2008|12:39 am]
and now, the lyrics of the moment(and your entire life, i hope.)

this girl i know needs some shelter
she don't believe anyone can help her
she's doing so much harm, doing so much damage
but you don't wanna get involved, you tell her she can manage

and you can't change the way she feels
but you could put your arms around her

i know you wanna live yourself, but could you forgive yourself
if you left her just the way you found her?

i'll stand in front of you
i'll take the force of the blow

you're a boy and i'm a girl
but you know you can lean on me

and i don't have no fear, i'll take on any man here
who says that's not the way it should be

i'll stand in front of you
i'll take the force of the blow

she's a girl and you're a boy
but sometimes you look so small...

got a baby of your own, but when your baby's gone
she'll be the one to catch you when you fall

to stand in front of you
take the force of the blow

you're a girl and i'm a boy..

sometimes you look so small, need some shelter
you're just running around helter-skelter
and i've leaned on you for years, now you can lean on me
that's more than love, that's the way it should be

now, i can't change the way you feel
but i could put my arms around you

that's just part of the deal, that's the way i feel
i'll put my arms around you..

i'll stand in front of you
i'll take the force of the blow

you're a boy and i'm a girl...

~massive attack - protection
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