| fantasy world. |
[May. 5th, 2009|10:34 pm] |
i'm lost at sea.. don't bother me..
i've lost my way...
___
this is for you.
both of you. |
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| "i'm the storm coming..." |
[Apr. 22nd, 2009|01:42 am] |
i was talking to abby the other day about picking favorites musically. i was like, "i can't pick favorite artists, favorite albums, much less favorite songs... there are too many." to me it's generally on one of three levels; 1) EARTH SHATTERING(every time), 2) respectable or even really good or something i like, but not included in group 1, and 3) rubbish...
well, today i had a run in with a song that reminded me it is absolutely easily in my top 10 songs -ever-. it simply has to be. the album it's on would probably make my album list too. it's too good, too thought-provoking, too groundbreaking, and has too much _ME_ in it to be ignored.
so there it is.
___
storm coming
gnarls barkley
i could paint a picture with a pen
but a song will only scratch the skin
and there are still places i haven't been
because i know what's in there is already in the air
oh yeah, there's a storm on the way
there's a storm on the way...
and it's coming no matter what i say.
hey hey hey...
there's truth in the thunder, love in the lightening
the feeling is frightening, but isn't it exciting?
i'm something like stormy weather
if i weren't then we'd never huddle together
but do i have to tell you that i'm also the sunlight
that shines shortly after? i just rain cuz i have to..
onto other chapters, i wish you lots of laughter
til the next time you see me, just remember you need me
i'm the storm coming...
here i come
run toward the hills to avoid the high flood
i can do a dance that would make the sky cry blood
skills provoking, seals to be broken open
all that's left to do is TRY my love...
and i'm singing the cyclone, i'm writing a raging sea..
searching for a sign of the times...
is it sane to say it's me?
listen to our lives, the wind will whisper the way it is
I'M GOING TO HAPPEN; what a lovely day it is...
don't ask why,
just live and die.
___ |
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| i'm not posting this for the reasons you think i am. |
[Apr. 16th, 2009|05:34 pm] |
this happened today on my ipod.
___
dead leaves and the dirty ground when i know you're not around
shiny tops and soda pops when i hear your lips make a sound
30 notes in the mailbox will tell you that i'm coming home
and i think i'm gonna stick around for a while so you're not alone
if you can hear a piano fall you can hear me coming down the hall
if i could just hear your pretty voice, i don't think i need to see at all
soft hair and a velvet tongue, i wanna give you what you give to me
and every breath that is in your lungs is a tiny little gift to me
i didn't feel so bad til the sun went down
then i come home, no one to wrap my arms around..
well any man with a microphone can tell you what he loves the most
and you'll know why you love at all if you're thinking of the holy ghost
___
got that tattoo on your back, and another down your arm
and a few you keep hidden like you're saving them for someone
you got those pretty blue eyes, and a crooked sort of smile
oh ruby, don't go, won't you stay a little while?
and you say you don't sleep, you don't think you ever will
between your little white lines and your catholic guilt
so sometimes you call me over just to put you to bed
oh ruby, don't go, was it something that i said?
and i've been thinking all night back to those better days
were you the one i never had or the one that got away?
and there in the dark i can almost see your face..
and i say, "ruby, don't go.." but you just fade away
so you found yourself a man, and he's everything you need
he's safe and he's sane and he ain't nothing like me
and he's making that vow to have you and to hold you
oh ruby, don't go.. he can't love you like i do.
___
in the next world war, in a jack-knifed juggernaut
i am born again.
in the neon sign, scrolling up and down
i am born again.
in an interstellar burst,
i'm back to save the universe.
in the deep deep sleep of the innocent
i am born again.
in a fast german car, i'm amazed that i survived
an airbag saved my life.
in an interstellar burst,
i'm back to save the universe.
___
you fill in the blanks. good luck.
~r
[white stripes, andrew delaney, radiohead] |
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| hmm |
[Feb. 12th, 2009|02:09 am] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | home | ] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | excited | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | kindergarten, from angel dust by faith no more | ] |
heard this on shuffle and was about it.
i used to listen to this album every day.
anyway, off to vegas in a matter of hours. dig it, fool.
~E.A.K.R.T.H.W.
___
return to my own vomit, like a dog
rhymes and giggles muffle the dialogue
carve my initials in a tree, i will never leave
maybe one day i'll be royalty
kingdom, kindergarten
born late, will i graduate?
drinking fountains are shorter than they used to be
the swings on the playground don't even fit me anymore
folklore, nobody's supposed to believe in the next grade
write it a hundred times
kingdom, kindergarten
waiting, bell's not ringing...
held back again...
everything got quiet suddenly
no dolby, and the theater is empty
film is flapping on the side of the projector
the reel is over
banished with my sticky shoes and stinging eyes
i'm walking outside
kingdom, kindergarten
born late, will i graduate?
write it a hundred times
held back again...
___
~faith no more |
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| random... it's late at night... |
[Feb. 9th, 2009|03:19 am] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | home | ] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | contemplative | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | radiohead | ] |
it's nice when you see porn with a really hot girl, but think, "i'd rather fuck the girl i'm sleeping with..." this is not an epic porn fail so much as an epic girl win.
or something like that. some girls got it where it counts, is all i'm really trying to say.
but anyway, what else? it's snowing big time outside, i just noticed through the newly covered windows... i wonder if people will be able to get to work in the morning.
i've had a really active year so far, and a particularly interesting past couple weeks. it shows no signs of letting up, as i'm headed to vegas for puscifer shows on thursday. won't be back until monday... if i survive.
it looks like aj and robyn will both be coming out to visit in march. i couldn't possibly be more excited about this. robyn will only be here four days, but aj's probably gonna stay a little over a week. should be dope as fuck, seeing as these are two of my oldest, closest friends and these days we have very little time to spend together.
valentine's day is gonna be pretty dope this year. thanks puscifer, and you.
if you haven't noticed i've started using the word "dope" to refer to "cool and/or badass" far far too much. blame aaron. and eminem.
maynard's wine is good.
...i don't know that i have anything else to say. hope you all enjoyed my 'real' update. wish me luck during these confusing, but utterly pleasurable, times.
enjoy yourself, and watch your head.
~ryan
___
in pitch dark, i go walking in your landscape
broken branches trip me as i speak..
just cuz you feel it doesn't mean it's there...
there's always a siren singing you to shipwreck
don't reach out
steer away from these rocks, we'd be a walking disaster
don't reach out
just cuz you feel it doesn't mean it's there...
there's someone on your shoulder..
there there...
why so green and lonely?
heaven sent you to me...
we are accidents waiting
waiting to happen
we are accidents waiting to happen...
~radiohead |
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| tv is always a lie |
[Feb. 6th, 2009|12:25 pm] |
from spin.com:
Jennifer Hudson and Faith Hill didn't act alone. Bruce Springsteen and the E Street Band also performed to backing tracks during their Super Bowl performance last Sunday, Super Bowl producer and Grammy Awards audio supervisor Hank Neuberger told The Chicago Tribune.
"The Super Bowl performances are all on tape," Neuberger said. "There is no way you can set up a full band in five minutes with microphones, get all the settings right, and expect to get quality sound. The Super Bowl has been doing that for years with virtually all the bands."
According to Neuberger, Springsteen's vocals were the only part of the performance that was not pre-recorded. After all, he is the Boss -- not Ashlee Simpson. (Springsteen's label PR had no comment for SPIN.com by press time.)
"It's not fraudulent, it's the opposite of fraud -- it's not like Milli Vanilli," said Neuberger, referring to the pop/dance duo who won a Grammy 1990 for Best New Artist only to have it withdrawn after it was discovered they didn't sing on their album.
"There were too many variables keeping the instruments in tune while playing outside in cold weather," he continued. "You can't control the environment, so the smart decision is to record the performance and play along with it… It's too big of an event to risk something going wrong. Television and music are not always a happy marriage."
____
i would so far as to say tv and music are -RARELY- a happy marriage.
see you and radiohead at the grammys on sunday! heh
~ryan |
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| random(ish) |
[Feb. 2nd, 2009|01:33 pm] |
i wrote and recorded this song in what was probably 2007. it's pretty straight-forward country sounding, and even has a somewhat 'pop' formulaic vibe to it. i wrote and it recorded it very quickly, in one session, on a whim. i became immediately embarrassed by it, didn't bother really mixing or editing it at all, and i'm not sure anyone's ever heard it. the other day i heard it randomly and tried to figure out why it bothered me. technically i like the song, what it's about, and i think about it every day(the concept, not the song.) so in theory, the song is exactly what my songs should be, and i should like it... i think that's what makes me hate its 'formulaic' vibe. i'm afraid it takes something earnest and makes it cheap. it feels dumbed down.
but what is dumbed down? dumbed down from what? who am i to say? part of the super-intelligent? please. this is a symptom of my exaggerated opinion of myself. i mean hell, the song is basically about doing drugs and neglecting 'responsibilities.' but even still, people can relate to that... it just makes me feel weird. but at the end of the day, i think the song is good on some level, so what's the problem?
at any rate, if i don't get over myself and start letting people hear -everything- i do, regardless of my personal feelings, i need to stop pretending that music will ever be a career again. it's work, it's not supposed to be personal...
that's why art should never be work.
everything that's beautiful dies.
so fuck it.
___
spending time (download)
hand me that pipe right there, and i will load the bowl
i want you to tell me everything you know
all the things you've learned about, and everywhere you've been
it might look like we ain't doing much, but this is how i'll spend
my time, it's precious, and there ain't no doubt
it's slipping faster away than i care to think about
and i know that you've got so much to do, me too
but i'm gonna sit right here, talking, hopefully with you
yeah i hope you will stay too
well i've never seen a woman look so good as you did on that hill
and if i were a betting man, i'd say i never will
i think i could go anywhere and be content with you
and i can't think of a single thing that i would rather do
with my time, it's precious, and there ain't no doubt
it's slipping faster away than i care to talk about
and i know that you've got so much to do, me too
but i'm gonna sit right here, talking, hopefully with you
yeah i hope you will stay too
did you see that star fall the other night?
do you think what the president said today was right?
do you think that it's ever okay to fight?
have you ever been to austin? i'll go with you if you like..
this time, it's precious, the time i have with you
it's slipping faster away and there's nothing we can do
and i thank you for all the company you've given me
and i hope that you will be happy, satisfied, and free
wherever you will be
___
it is what it is. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 29th, 2009|04:06 pm] |
i prayed heaven today would bring its hammer down on me
and pound you out of my head, i can't think with you in it..
i dragged all that i owned down a dirt road to find you
and my shoes, worn out and used, they can't take me much farther..
something always takes the place of missing pieces
you can take and put together
even though you know there's something missing
the sun burned a hole in my roof, i can't seem to fix it
and i hope the rain doesn't come and wash me down the gutter..
something always takes the place of missing pieces
you can take and put together
even though you know there's something missing
she rides in a car like a queen on a card
and the guns of her mind point a line straight at mine
to a heart that is broke, tried to feel but got choked
in the smoke of a desert, a beach with no treasure
a night that's so blue, feel the aching in you
and the background birds take a flight from the earth
a bonfire burns and the night current turns
on a lifeboat floating down a river of sleep
i can't see her hollow eyes
walking along with my boots full of rocks
can't believe these tears are mine
i give 'em to you to keep away in a box
something always takes the place of missing pieces
you can take and put together
even though you know there's something missing
something always missing
always someone missing something...
___
missing, by beck |
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| added to my ipod today... |
[Jan. 29th, 2009|03:51 pm] |
some of these are WAY overdue...
Eagles of Death Metal - Peace, Love, Death Metal
Eagles of Death Metal - Death by Sexy
Beck - Guero
Sigur Ros - Agaetis byrjun
Dresden Dolls - Yes, Virginia
Ween - GodWeenSatan: The Oneness
Ween - The Pod
Ween - The Mollusk
Ween - The Friends EP
Eagles of Death Metal are definitely gonna be playing in this apt tonight while i get sloppy drunken.
it's gonna be good.
~r |
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| and |
[Jan. 29th, 2009|12:27 pm] |
here are my newest lyrics... i have no idea what to call this song.
___
i went to see my brother, and asked him what he thought was wrong
why i can't seem to focus, or write a decent song
he said i wish i could help you man, but this time you're on your own
i sat there in my brother's chair wishing i still had a home
i always liked the cloudy days, always thought the rain was fun
i like to sleep all day and finally wake to find out the day is done
but sitting here on this hill knowing i'm the only one
i've found that debts and new regrets make you appreciate the sun
i've ruined everything, i've got nothing left to sell
i've got a long confession, but i don't know who to tell
i killed my family, now i'll probably go to hell
but in a lot of ways, i guess you'd say, things are going pretty well
___
~r |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 28th, 2009|04:00 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | home | ] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | good | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | myself | ] |
so i've had this old song of my tumbling around in my head for a while now. today i got out my backup hard drive and found the recording. i wrote and recorded it in one session while terribly inebriated in the fall of 2005. there was about a week of these kinds of sessions, another of which yielded one of my most popular tracks, 'vacation.' anyway, for some reason, this is one of my favorite pieces of work i've ever been involved in. and for some other reason, virtually no one has ever heard it.
so now's your chance! get it while it's hot!
you can download it here and i've posted the lyrics below.
it's supposed to be funny and bleak at the same time. this is how i deal with confusion and desperation.
please enjoy.
___
let's do it.
okay, time to talk about me, let's see..
what can i say? i'm great!
and everything as of late has been fine,
except, you know, these one or two things that won't stay off my mind
but whatever, i don't wanna talk about that
i'd rather let you hit me in the head with a baseball bat
so i'm just gonna have another drink, and then maybe we can talk about what it is
that you'll -think- i think
oh yes, the party's going strong, all night long
so hit the bong to this song
and then maybe we can get a little 'relation' going on...
what was that thing i was supposed to say?
what was that thing i was supposed to say?
what was i going to say though...
what was that thing i was supposed to say?
eat sleep drink take medicate medicate
whoa, wait, what are we doing? it's too late!
so dose hard, babydoll, we're in for the long haul
and when we fall, that's all, so let's just keep on walking
as fucked up as it is, i know, i know
just keep looking that way, let's get done and let's go
i don't really need to know who fucked who or how many people died today
i'm out of my mind here, man, what the fuck do you want from me?
say, do you know where i could find the world's best cheeseburger?
i've just been thinking about that, but i digress...
what was the point again though? oh i know.. drugs!
aww yeah, you know it... uhhh huh..
what kind of drugs are we on today?
what kind of drugs are we on today?
honey, what kind of drugs are we on today?
what kind of drugs are we on today?
cheers.
___ |
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| throw me a rope |
[Dec. 27th, 2008|01:13 pm] |
i lost you a while ago, and still i don't know why
i can't say your name without a crow flying by
gotta watch my back, now that you turned me around
got me walking backwards into my home town
throw me a rope on the rolling tide
what did you want it to be?
you said it's him or me
the way you made it, that's the way it will be
i've never been so disabused, never been so mad
i've never been served anything that tasted so bad
you might need a friend, any day now, any day..
oh my brother be careful, you are drifting away...
throw me a rope on the rolling tide
what did you want it to be?
you said it's him or me
the way you made it, that's the way it will be
_
gillian welch |
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| ... |
[Dec. 16th, 2008|11:06 pm] |
i listened to a lecture of nonsense til dawn
by a plagiary poet with dark glasses on
he said, "how did you ever dream up that song?
the one where the baby dies."
i said, "i'll tell you this secret, which one's your good ear?
yeah, people are made up of water and fear.
if there weren't women present, we wouldn't be here.
so let's make like we're friends."
and the pot turned to powder and soured the mood
and the people i'd come with were gone from the room
so i asked like a child, "may i be excused?"
and disobeyed them all
into that late-night latrine, rain soaking through my shoes
i try walking backwards to get less confused
working off a theory i could never prove
that it was life, itself, to blame
and time ruined the world
like a failed revolution
a tumor we could not remove
an old friend, a constant, the blues..
now my days are distractions, sit wringing my hands
solitaire, crosswords, and films on demand
when you turn from a cartoon back into a man
you start to smell that human smell..
and so i sleep with a fan on to drown out the street
and the noise rising up from the bar underneath
but for that inconvenience all my drinks are free
so i guess it's just as well..
why do i envy the ending right from the start?
just get it together to take it apart
watching the horse as it follows the cart
i sweep up my broken spell
and i felt something change in the world
like a new constitution
a thief i would have to pursue
at all times, at all costs, the truth
___
cartoon blues - bright eyes |
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| since somebody finally got it |
[Dec. 16th, 2008|06:32 pm] |
this is the kind of music i need right now.
__
so be it, i'm your crowbar
that's what i am so far
until you get out of this mess..
and i will pretend
that i don't know of your sins
until you are ready to confess..
but all the time
all the time
i'll know...
and you can use my skin
to bury secrets in
and i will settle you down..
and at my own suggestion
i will ask no questions
while i do my thing in the background..
but all the time
all the time
oh, i'll know...
baby, i can't help you out
while she's still around...
so for the time being
i'm being patient..
and amidst this bitterness
if you'd just consider this
even if it don't make sense..
..all the time
give it time
and when the crowd becomes your burden
and you've early closed your curtain
i'll wait by the backstage door..
while you try to find
the lines to speak your mind
and pry it open hoping for an encore
and if it gets too late
for me to wait
for you to find you love me
and tell me so
it's okay
don't need to say it...
___
i know, by fiona apple
i was listening to this so i could type it up, and when it went off i noticed that the first song from this album had started playing in a neighbor's apartment.
word.
~ryan |
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| outside the window |
[Dec. 15th, 2008|05:09 pm] |
so between our living room window and the next building over there is an alleyway with 2 reserved parking spaces. sometimes people park behind the cars parked there if they know they'll be back quickly. today the owner of our building was here and parked there, as he was walking to his car i heard this:
guy blocked in: is this your car?
building owner: yes it is.
guy: did you see this sign that says no parking?
owner: i sure did.
guy: well why'd you park there?
owner: i own this building and i knew i was only gonna be 2 minutes.
guy: well i was about 1 minute from having you towed! you can't park here.
owner: i knew it was only gonna be 2 minutes.
guy: well how did i know that? did i know that!?
i wish they'd fought a little more. oh well.
hilarious. i find it extra funny because the owner of the building was a slight asshole to me earlier in the day when he was here with the plumber to fix a leak. apparently i should've known this problem existed and notified him immediately. *shrug*
(little does he know i barely even live here.)
~ryan |
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| in between moments |
[Dec. 13th, 2008|11:18 pm] |
you know, when the best part of your day is a tossup between a girl you don't know becoming elated after throwing a snowball at your car and a text message from a girl you miss terribly, you gotta ask yourself what you're doing with your life.
of course i ask myself this question every day, but on days like today it's a lot harder to answer.
what's the point? why am i here? what am i trying to do? do i care? all these and more can be yours for the low low price of loneliness and disillusion.
yesterday was my mother's birthday and between my intense hangover and my 4 hour drive to nowhere i forgot to call her. i called her today and she understood. she always does. she is a wonderful lady. i guess she's like 53.
what really gets to me is that she's probably even lonelier than i am. and she doesn't even have reason enough for the small bit of hope i'm able to conjure for myself... yet every day she gets up, does what she has to do, and crosses her fingers. it's torturous wishing i could help her when there's nothing i could possibly do. just like there's nothing she can do to soothe my heartache.
while i'm on the subject of parents, and while i'm pouring myself out to no one for no reason, i miss my father. he's even older and even farther away. now trying to live on the west coast i wonder when i'll see him again. sometimes i wonder if i'll see him again. i know he's lonely too. maybe it's in our blood.
watching the giant snowflakes tonight made me think of the time we lived in idaho, when i was 11. it was easily one of the happiest times our family ever had. i guess i should just feel glad and leave it at that...
i wonder what happened to the dogs we had...
well, i guess i've bummed my livejournal out enough for now. if you read it, thanks. i know it wasn't fun.
for memory's sake and to make clear how grey this day was, i'm gonna transcribe the texts that served as the highlight.
goodnight friends. be thankful for what you've got.
suzee: When you coming back? I miss you too much!
me: back atcha girl. i think i miss you the most. my flight gets in wednesday night.
suzee: Great! Can't wait!
me: me neither! a suzeeless life is a hard life.
suzee: Awh. Better call when you get in.
me: nothing could stop me.
~ryan
ps-just because i write about what's missing doesn't mean i don't realize what's here. |
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| trying to write is like trying to... |
[Dec. 3rd, 2008|03:37 pm] |
so i've finally reached a point where i feel i must start writing things even if they're no good or i will lose the skill of songwriting forever... and if that happens, as we all know, i will be totally fucked.
so here's what i have to offer, today. insults welcome. praise will be tolerated.
_
vulner-ability (heheh)
i took the lock off the door today
i don't care who comes in anyway
they can try to hurt me or want to play
but the lock is off my door today
i threw my gun into the fire
i let go all the guards i'd hired
unset all the traps i'd wired
and threw my gun into the fire
because there can't be any confusion
when you decide to come to me
because there can't be any illusion
that this is not where you should be
i'll leave myself unguarded
turn a blind eye to the sin
i'll sacrifice my safety
for you to be let in
for you must be let in
a tree is on a hill alone
no birds, no bugs, just earth and stone
and though the sun politely shone
the tree lived on the hill alone
a girl is crying for a cause
caught between her love and flaws
her eyes shine as her doubt withdraws
a girl is crying for a cause
because there can't be any confusion
when it decides to come to you
because there can't be any illusion
that this is not what you should do
leave yourself unguarded
turn a blind eye to the sin
sacrifice your safety
and let the right one in
for they must be let in
___
i reluctantly used the movie title. it was perfect. i had to.
goodbye.
~r |
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| for those i told about forgetting, i forgot to mention that i remembered how to cry. |
[Dec. 3rd, 2008|12:39 am] |
and now, the lyrics of the moment(and your entire life, i hope.)
___
this girl i know needs some shelter
she don't believe anyone can help her
she's doing so much harm, doing so much damage
but you don't wanna get involved, you tell her she can manage
and you can't change the way she feels
but you could put your arms around her
i know you wanna live yourself, but could you forgive yourself
if you left her just the way you found her?
i'll stand in front of you
i'll take the force of the blow
protection
you're a boy and i'm a girl
but you know you can lean on me
and i don't have no fear, i'll take on any man here
who says that's not the way it should be
i'll stand in front of you
i'll take the force of the blow
protection
she's a girl and you're a boy
but sometimes you look so small...
got a baby of your own, but when your baby's gone
she'll be the one to catch you when you fall
to stand in front of you
take the force of the blow
protection
you're a girl and i'm a boy..
sometimes you look so small, need some shelter
you're just running around helter-skelter
and i've leaned on you for years, now you can lean on me
that's more than love, that's the way it should be
now, i can't change the way you feel
but i could put my arms around you
that's just part of the deal, that's the way i feel
i'll put my arms around you..
i'll stand in front of you
i'll take the force of the blow
protection
you're a boy and i'm a girl...
-
~massive attack - protection |
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anomalis's journal
